Monday, August 31, 2009

September Rising



Summertime, you were short and beyond sweet. Thanks for all the laughs and good times! See the rest of my previous entries to find out more info on what else happened to me this summer.

Onward to my favorite season, fall and the impending events on the way:

*I got my second job today as a writing tutor! I am beyond excited for it, this is completely up my alley and I naturally enjoy assisting my friends with their papers.

*In two weeks, I start my volunteer work with the soup kitchen again. I'm so happy they are willing to have me back on board again because I really had a great time the last time I helped out. You meet an unbelievable amount of unique and intriguing people there and I miss all of the regulars.



*Movies I'm looking forward to include: An Education (see above picture), Where the Wild Things Are and Sherlock Holmes (I actually know the guy who made the trailer for that movie which rocks).

* I am rediscovering my love for Slipknot's "Vermillion" again and while it isn't a song for everyone, I like it. It has its definite good moments particularly the ending. "She isn't real, she isn't real. I can't make her real..."



*Christina Hendricks as Joan Holloway on "Mad Men" is an excellent actress and absolutely beautiful! I find her to be one of my many fall style inspirations and I'm definitely doing an article in my school's newspaper for the fashion column on the delicious clothes in that show.

*"Brian, I'm one!" -Stewie's response when Brian says that he is too old for a teddy bear, haha!

*Mountain Dew, Mountain Dew, Mountain Dew. It's my life elixir if you wanna get all Gameboy speak about it.




*Looking forward to a very favorite pair of stilettos from home being mailed over soon! They are gorgeous, black and silver with a round toe and a tall, tall heel. Remarkably comfortable too.

*A tentative (very, very tentative) schedule for the rest of the year includes:
Christmas Break- Las Vegas
Spring Break- San Francisco
May/Graduation- London and Scotland (super tentative but I am finger crossing like you wouldn't believe that everything works out!)

Love to you all,
Heather

Saturday, August 29, 2009

My Favorite Simpsons Episodes: The Top 5



5. “The Otto Show” Season 3
This was one of those rare episodes that the few times I caught it on TV, I would cut everything out of my schedule to watch it. Everything. We’ve got Spinal Tap, Otto performing a rocking “Free Bird” singalong on the bus, Milhouse’s wicked amazing jacket at the concert and my personal favorite line of “Whoa! I had mustard?” when Otto is evicted from his apartment and is surprised by the condiment he did own.

Spinal Tap is in Springfield and Bart and Milhouse go the concert while Homer waits in the car. He hums along to “Spanish Flea” oblivious to the fact that a fight broke out at the concert. Bart comes home, a little bruised but with a dream of becoming a rock star. He gets a guitar and can’t play for shit but gives it to Otto on the bus during traffic who serenades the kids to some sweet Lynyrd Skynyrd. The solo gets longer and longer and the traffic is backed up behind the bus so Otto is forced to drive super fast to school, inadvertently running the Spinal Tap bus off the road which crashes. Once at the school where nobody was injured, Principal Skinner finds out that Otto does not have a license and fires him, appointing himself as the new bus driver.

Otto is evicted from his apartment and Bart finds Otto living in the dumpster and immediately invites him to stay with the Simpsons. At the Simpson residence, Otto tells terrifying ghost stories to Lisa, clogs the bathroom drains with his hair and is basically a deadbeat. Homer wants him out of the house and Bart and Marge encourage Otto to take the driving test again. Meanwhile, Principal Skinner fairs poorly at the art of bus driving. Otto takes the test again to spite Homer and since Marge’s sister Patty works at the DMV and equally despises Homer, she writes him up for a license even though he did a worse job the second time around than the first.

It seems to me that of many of the episodes, this one is underrated. I think you need to watch the scene where Homer and Bart realize they forgot something important at the concert (hint: glasses and blue hair) and tell me you didn’t laugh your ass off.




4. "The Way We Was" Season 2
Maybe I’m just really into the ‘70’s or something but damn, Homer and Marge were cool teenagers! This flashback episode takes place during the pair’s senior year. Marge is smart debate club member and hip enough to burn bras (with her hair long, blue and straight! Amazing!). Homer was a slacker with a thinner physique that he owed to his “metaba-ma-lism.” They met in detention from Marge during the feminist bra-burn and Homer from the guys room, smoking. And true love was born.

Not quite. Marge likes Artie Ziff, a pretentious 4.0 smartie and to win Marge to him, Homer pretends he needs a French tutor. This all accumulates in asking her to the prom which she agrees to but then Homer honestly and openly tells Marge that he isn’t a French student and Marge is pissed because her debate club big meet is tomorrow and she spent the whole night trying to educate Homer. Artie asks Marge to the prom and she accepts and unaware of the rejection, Homer shows up to her house on prom night and is promptly shot down. Marge and Artie are prom king and queen for the night and Homer sadly leaves and walks home alone but is picked up by Marge. Artie got a little too fresh with her (“my busy hands” as he describes them) and she took him home and admitted to Homer in the car that he was who she should have gone to the prom with. Homer gives her the corsage that he bought for her and they are together ever since.

Awww. It was a very sweet episode! I just loved seeing them in high school because Homer and Marge were really cute. We will not mention the recent monstrosity "That 90's Show" because I think it really, really fucked up the show in terms of Homer and Marge’s past.




3. "Mother Simpson" Season 7
Homer reunites with his mother Mona after faking his death to get out of work. He had assumed she had died when he was little because his Grandpa Simpson always pointed to a specific grave and Homer had thought it was his mother’s (when it was really Walt Whitman’s). She had joined a hippie group back in the ‘60’s with the intent on destroying Mr. Burn’s germ laboratory. When the alarm went off in the lab, Burns came running and was knocked down as the hippies ran out. Mona helped him up and he has since recognized her, forcing her to go into hiding. Eventually, they run into Mr. Burns again and Mona has to hit the road once more.

The reason it hits the third place for me is simply in the ending. Mona and Homer exchange goodbyes as Mona is about to get into the VW van. She smacks her head against the ledge and “dohs!” quickly, seeing as that is where Homer gets it from. As the car drives away, Homer sits on his car and stares into the sky which quickly turns into nightfall and the credits roll with Homer staring at the stars. It is a very beautiful and touching moment especially with the music that accompanies it and the necessary lack of dialogue. I really can’t say more for it except that you should watch it for yourself.

Plus, I absolutely adore that Homer slept with a plush Pillsbury Doughboy as a kid. I remember shrieking with joy when I was younger because I had always assumed that I was the only person who had one. It was just another reason why I so strongly resonated with this show.





2. "Lisa's Substitute" Season 2

My final favorite two episodes are Lisa-centered and until I recently saw it again, I would have probably forgotten about this one and replaced it with something else. (I can’t tell you how much I debated on whether or not to include “Radio Bart” in this list.)

Lisa’s teacher Miss Hoover gets sick and the class gets a substitute named Mr. Bergstrom (voiced wonderfully by Dustin Hoffman who is listed as Sam Etic in the credits). Lisa feels an instant connection between the two and they get on famously. Meanwhile, Bart is busy running for class president and Homer is unaware of the effect Mr. Bergstrom has on Lisa because he is helping Bart campaign.
Homer and Lisa run into Mr. Bergstrom at a museum where Homer embarrasses Lisa and Mr. Bergstrom tries to talk to Homer about being a better role model for her. Back at home, Lisa gets permission from Marge to invite Mr. Bergstrom over for dinner but is shocked to discover the next day that Miss Hoover is back.

She heads to the train station where Mr. Bergstrom is off to substitute for a different group of kids. Lisa tearfully says that she needs him and then he writes the simple but eloquent note of “You are Lisa Simpson” and advises her to look at it whenever she needs reassurance.

The dinner table is all about Bart who lost the election because he didn’t push for voters as he thought he had the election in the bag with his popularity. Lisa mopes and when she finally does tell Homer that Mr. Bergstrom left, he displays an obvious lack of interest. Lisa shouts at him that he is a baboon and Marge defends Lisa and tells Homer to console her.

Homer tells Lisa while playing her music box that he doesn’t know what she’s going through because all of the people he really loves are still in his life. He starts acting like a monkey and Lisa cheers up. He also wins over a sullen Bart by insisting that by winning a presidency, you have to do a lot of extra work and even gives Maggie a pacifier. At the end of the episode, he tells Marge that he is on the “biggest role of his life.”

Had it not have been for the fact that currently I happen to have a Mr. Bergstrom-esque figure in my life, I doubt I would have ranked this episode so high. It is my belief that everybody deserves a mentor in their life, somebody who believes in you and coaches you to success or at the very least, sympathizes with you. When I was in 6th-8th grade, my mentor was my English teacher Mrs. Williams who embodied the spirit of the woman I hoped I would one day become. She was very young and spirited with a great sense of humor and a ferocious creative streak. She was the one who suggested I read the Harry Potter series and we even had a love for these Buffy the Vampire Slayer novels which she let me borrow. She was always very kind to me and during those tough tween years, it was good to know that I had somebody outside of my intermediate family that was older than me that I could talk to.

It seemed to me that for a long time, she was the only mentor I would get. That was fine. I felt very fortunate just by knowing her and it seemed at times, that I got off too lucky in that respect. When I transferred to my current university fortune kissed me once more. My current mentor is my communications teacher Don whom I was placed into his persuasion class by complete chance. As I recall, I dreaded his class the most out of anyone’s that semester because it met once a week for an excruciating 3 and a half hours. The first few weeks, I remember I was approached by one of my classmates in that class who asked me how I liked the class and I completely dismissed it with “its fine” because at that point, it seemed just that: fine. I’m not really sure what or how things changed but all of a sudden, I felt open to speaking in that class. He encouraged my opinions which made those 3 hours my favorite of the entire week. We also happen to have quite a bit in common and bonded over mutual love for Arrested Development (linking the world together one frozen banana at a time).

Like Mr. Bergstrom, Don also has unconventional teaching methods that I highly applaud. I love going outside of the box and anytime one of my teachers do it, it makes me feel thrilled. He’s also very funny, with the same vein of humor that my Dad and I share. It’s pretty rare for me to find somebody that I feel instantly connected to and even more difficult to find a guy that I can get along with. You would think that would be easy for a girl who grew up in a house with three brothers and was used to being surrounded by boys but it seems to almost have an adverse effect on me. Hmm… or we could chalk it up to the belief that an overwhelming amount of my friends and the gossip rumor mill believes I really think about him but that isn’t so because I already have my own personal note to myself that I’ve known for a little while about who I am: “I am Heather Taylor.”



1. Lisa's Wedding, Season 6
Oh Lisa. Lisa, Lisa, Lisa. I have always enjoyed a good flashback episode to any TV show but a flash-forward glimpse into the future is something I always liked on with the Simpson family. Out of the couple they had, I loved Lisa's Wedding the best.
This episode takes place at a Renaissance Fair(e) that everyone attends. Lisa gets embarrassed by Homer who is eating a bunch of meat and wanders off to have a mysterious woman read her fortune where we are shown at a university in the year 2010. Ironically enough, if you put the show and my age up against one another, Lisa and I will/would be graduating from college in the same year.

In college Lisa has abandoned her red dress and pearls for a pair of jeans and a pink turtleneck with fluffy hair. She keeps running into a handsome arrogant British guy named Hugh Parkfield who reads faster than her and enjoys the same Soy Pops. They fall in love and Lisa even visits his upper crust parents in England. Hugh pops the question and Lisa accepts but now Hugh must visit the Simpson family and Lisa is worried that Homer will ruin her wedding.

While the other houses on the street are highly futuristic, 742 Evergreen Terrace remains a shantytown with a poorly built on additional bedroom on the side of the house. Homer still works at the Power Plant and Milhouse is his supervisor. Marge is still a stay at home mom. Bart works at a demolition company with plans to go to law school and has been married at least twice already. Maggie is very talkative but you never hear it in the episode.

Lisa and Hugh arrive at the Simpson home where a number of antics ensue including the most horrific but hilarious in the Union Jack accidentally catching on fire and the family throwing compost all over it before handing the burnt flag to Hugh who chokes out that "it's still warm."

Hugh and Homer go out for a night at Moe's which is Hugh's small bachelor party (not the strip club that Bart alone went to). Homer gives Hugh a pair of hideous pig cuff links to wear at the wedding which find themselves on the dresser on the wedding day. Homer tries to mask his disappointment but Lisa insists it was a mistake and talks to Hugh about it. Hugh turns out to a jerk who looks forward to returning to London exclusively and remarks that Lisa is "like a flower that grew out of a pot of dirt." Lisa is horrified at the end of losing her family and cancels the wedding. As she leaves the grounds, the flash-forward ends and she's back at the Renaissance Fair. She can't change her future (the fortune teller advises not to look too surprised) but she can at least find Homer and enjoy being in his company.

There are a number of reasons why I always held this episode close to me. As a tween, watching Lisa in college felt like looking at what my future would inevitably look like. I was always very in awe of people who were in college because they were it. The height of sophistication and intelligence. Of course in the real world, most of the people I know in college went to class stoned half the time and wore PJs all day long (hell no). I’m not sure what kind of college I was envisioning but I think it looked awfully similar to the Fall Catalog from Delia’s.

Lisa also met Hugh at college and damn, Hugh was it too! Unfortunately my own current college and the school I attended prior did not provide me a handsome, smart, Ralph Lauren advertisement of a boy. This leaves me to pursue grad school for the answers, perhaps over in the East. And while I’m at it, I’ll just keep digging my student loan grave.

But all in all, I admire Lisa for giving up her potential happiness to stay loyal to her family. This takes a great deal of unselfishness and caring and even though Hugh was obviously let down, she did the best thing in the situation that she could; she followed her heart.

Love to you all,
Heather

Friday, August 28, 2009

My Favorite Simpsons Episodes: The 1st Five

** Disclaimer**
Making this list was incredibly difficult because initially, I wanted to have only 5 episodes. I have been watching The Simpsons since I was in first grade so as it has been a big part of my childhood. I decided to go with 10 to include not just the emotional, touching episodes but also some of the most humorous and pee in your pants from laughing worthy. The Simpsons is sometimes a TV show I wind up overlooking when I think about my favorite shows simply because I've watched it for so long and seen so many repeats that I feel I shouldn't have to mention I love it. It should, in some strange way to the untrained eye of a stranger, be implied that just by looking at me, I am a Simpsons fan. That's how I think of it sometimes but in any case, here's the list. And yes, I have laughed so hard during some of these episodes that I not only cried from laughter but also peed in my pants. I have cried in a couple too and those that pull on my heartstrings are at the top 5.




10. "Homer the Heretic" Season 4
As a kid I was forced to attend church every Sunday and let me tell you, those rare precious Sundays free of worship service were the greatest of all the Sundays. I would go to bed late on Saturday, content and happy from two hours of Mad TV and SNL episodes and wake up late the next morning and eat a late breakfast and read or something. Always better than the mornings that I had to sullenly wake up at 7am and walk to church with an empty stomach and the shows being reruns. So I think anybody who has had a history of forced church going can relate to this episode.

Homer decides on a cold Sunday not to go to church and has the best day of his life by dancing in his underwear, making ‘moon waffles’, watching the game and finding a penny. Marge and Co. have a miserable Sunday and come home to Homer who declares he is done with church. Everyone from the Reverend Lovejoy to Ned Flanders tries to convince Homer to go back to believing but Homer digs in his heels, especially after a conversation in a dream with God who is chill with Homer’s decision.

Homer falls asleep smoking a cigar and sets the house on fire. Ned rescues Homer from flames and Homer is grateful enough to begin returning to church (even though he sleeps through the sermons).



9. "Boy-Scoutz 'n the Hood" Season 5
I really want to go on a Squishee bender someday. Maybe mine won’t be made entirely out of syrup though. After Bart and Milhouse “go crazy Broadway style” in Springfield, Bart wakes up the next morning to discover he joined the Junior Campers (like Boy Scouts). Bart’s in it for the pocket knife and eventually racks up a bunch of badges for his vest while Homer mocks him for being a camper. The Junior Campers host a father/son white water rafting trip and Homer goes after using reverse psychology poorly. They share a raft with the Flanders and take a wrong turn for the middle of nowhere but luckily, when the going gets absolutely disastrous, Krusty burgers and Homer’s sense of scent save the day.

A quickie side note: watching this show as a kid and seeing Bart, Lisa, and Milhouse roam the streets of virtually everywhere in Springfield made me slightly envious. Where I lived which has been hailed frequently as the most dangerous city in the United States, you really couldn’t do that shit, especially not at night and definitely never at the age of 10 or 8. Plus as a kid I lived in a neighborhood that featured an ice cream truck that drove around at 11pm which was pretty damn creepy.



8. "Homer Goes to College" Season 5

If I didn’t include a predominantly Conan O’Brien written episode, there would be something wrong with me as he did a brilliant job as a writer for the show.
Homer has to actually do his job during a surprise inspection at the power plant and fails to do so. He must go back to college according to the plant and Mr. Burns helps get him into Springfield University. Because Homer has watched way too many Animal House rip off films, he views college as a place where higher education is not nearly as important as pulling a prank of stealing another school’s pig mascot and where the dean is crusty and uncool when in reality, he’s a really nice guy. After a meltdown in physics class, the dean decides Homer could use a tutor and he is saddled with three ultra nerdy guys that he winds up getting expelled for the aforementioned pig prank.

The three nerds are highly lacking in street smarts (they fall victim to Snake posing as a “wallet inspector”) and Homer decides to take them in. This doesn’t last long and through a series of events, Homer hits the dean with his car and apologizes for what he did at the hospital, that he was fully at fault and that the three nerds should be reinstated to the school. The dean caves and Homer finally takes his final exam which he fails and repeats the class again from Marge’s insistence.
Oh, this one just can’t be beat especially when Homer misspells the word “Smart” when singing and pulls on the pig’s tail crying out “Curly, Straight! Curly, straight!”




7. "Bart of Darkness" Season 6


“Can we have a pool Dad? Can we have a pool Dad? Can we have a pool Dad?”

Summer is always hellishly hot outside but when you are a Simpson and you have no air conditioning and the fridge has broken because you left it open with a tent attached, it is the worst summer ever. A pool can solve that problem!

When the Simpsons get a pool, they become the most popular house in town. Bart shows off diving from a two story height and breaks his leg, spending the rest of the summer in a cast while Lisa takes over the position of the Queen Bee. Bart begins to develop some eccentricities a la Rear Window from being cooped up all day with only a telescope for company and thinks that Ned Flanders murdered his wife from mounting evidence all around him. (He digs a hole in the backyard, tells his kids that Mommy is with God now, and even cries out “Oh my God, I killed her!) Bart uses Lisa to help solve the mystery who has been dethroned from her cool titles thanks to Martin’s new huge pool and the entire episode is just filled with hilarious jokes including Bart’s heroic attempts to rescue Lisa and the problems it caused along the way.

I have a straight-up love for things that make me highly nostalgic for summertime (i.e. bubbles, shorts, sno-cones, late night runs to DQ, good songs on the radio, stacks of library books and watching loads of Dazed and Confused) and this episode always makes me feel ready for summer to start. Then again, it’s almost currently over…how did that happen?




6. "Bart's Girlfriend" Season 6


What happens when the sweet innocent minister’s daughter and the devil’s cabana boy get together? You get a whipped Bart Simpson, that’s what.
Bart falls in love with Jessica Lovejoy, the Reverend’s daughter who despite her sweet voice (I still have a hard time believing it was Meryl Streep) and bangs is a total rebel girl that I’m pretty sure the song “Cherry Bomb” by The Runaways is based on.
He doesn’t hit it off with her parents after telling inappropriate jokes about the show “Martin” but Jessica and Bart hit the town by TP’ing the Jebediah Springfield statue, eating ice cream in front of a weight loss center and dancing to “Miserlou” a la the Pulp.
Bart is accused of stealing the chapel collection money even though it was Jessica who obviously did it. Bart chivalrously takes the fall for Jessica even though Homer and Marge believe he innocent but Lisa enraged at the injustice, outs Jessica in a church service where the entire congregation hurries to her room to find the missing money underneath her mattress. She is forced to clean the church steps as penance but Bart winds up taking over so she can catch a ride with a guy on a motorbike.
I love this episode simply for Jessica. I wish they would bring her character back sometimes. It would be so interesting to see what she is up to now. She would totally have a nose piercing and an amazing choppy haircut. I can see it.

The top 5 tomorrow! (I have been so busy lately, it's been awful)

Love to you all,
Heather

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

It's Like Daylight Without Sound



Oh, I have been terribly busy lately but I do promise some substantial posting eventually (like tomorrow and Friday hopefully) since I've been working on a two part post.

Leaves Eyes is coming out with Njord, their new album to drop by the end of the month. I am in awe and delight at the songs especially "Northbound." They are gorgeous and Liv's voice is nothing short of breathtaking as per usual.

I just hope itunes has it up to buy soon. They can be slow on the uptake with music like this. Felix da Housecat just came out with a new album and it is nowhere to be found on itunes, a disappointment.

Love to you all,
Heather

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Dig Up His Bones



Behold these stunning photos from The New Yorker circa 1995. I think that they really speak for themselves and naturally, I love the contrast of the human and the skeleton.

Who said true love needs a pulse? Or flesh for that matter?













Love to you all,
Heather

Friday, August 21, 2009

Kristen Stewart in Dazed and Confused



Not the movie (Lord, no!), just the magazine. And normally, I enjoy teasing Miss Stewart but in this photoshoot, I just really couldn't. Homegirl is looking way stellar in this photo in particular.



And this one too, come to think of it.



I remodeled everything on my blog. That had been on my to-do list for quite some time now but I kept pushing it off for...procrastination's sake haha. I used to be absolutely on time for all projects but I've discovered now that I like to wait until I have some sort of creative spark zings me and I can whip out something sweet.

Obviously I don't necessarily live by this rule for school purposes. Otherwise I'd still have homework from the 3rd grade I'd be working on.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

George Washington was in a cult and the cult was into aliens, man



As my summer dwindles into the school year, I've been turning back to my trusty eternal summer methods of watching Dazed and Confused on a daily basis and listening to so much music from the '60s to '70s that it would make my parents proud.

Right now my big huge fatty addiction is "VENUS IN FURS" by THE VELVET UNDERGROUND. Holy shit. When I listen to that song, I lie down and let the music wash over me, like water in a bathtub. It is THAT damn good. You and everyone you know should listen to it immediately. I would have stuck an exclamation point in but I feel the caps speak for themselves.

And then I've got some "Windy" by The Association, "Street Life" by Randy Crawford, "Low Rider" by War (it's probably the coolest song around), The Yardbirds "For Your Love" and a whole bunch of David Bowie, Rolling Stones and absolutely everything Heart-related around on my playlist.

I am turning into my parents and it's totally worth it. These songs are WAY too damn good to not listen to.

Anywho, found a bunch of ultra chic '60s girls online in clothes that make my jaw want to fall off.



Francoise Dorleau and Catherine Deneuve in a French movie called Les Demoiselles de Rochefort.

The hair, the hair, the hair I tell you! Whoa, it is supreme!



Haha, they kind of remind me of the Olsen twins.



Glass Coke bottles are like this beautiful relic of the past that I will never get to really, truly experience. I love 'em.



Star power!

Love to you all,
Heather

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Who Are the People in Your Neighborhood?



"We've become a race of peeping Toms."

Oh Stella, ya couldn't have said it better. Rear Window, one of my favorite Hitchcock films (I think North by Northwest is my very favorite) is just one of those films that holds true to today's society as much as it did then.

A quickie summary: LB 'Jeff' Jeffries is a photographer who recently broke his leg and is spending his summer cooped up inside his Greenwich Village apartment. Because this was a time before DSL and Wii-Fit, he's spending his time checking up on everyone surrounding his apartment with a pair of binoculars. His sole frequent visitors are his wise-cracking nurse Stella and pretty girlfriend Lisa.

Naturally, when you people-watch long enough, something suspicious happens by the way of murder and Jeff is convinced that his salesman neighbor Lars has killed his wife who prior to her disappearance, was strictly bedridden.

And it's all mystery notes under your door, breaking and entering, and pushing the handicapped out of their wheelchairs after that.

Definitely thrilling and an excellent film to watch especially for the first time.



And there's your obligatory Hitchcock cameo in my very favorite apartment of the piano player.

My main love for Rear Window came in the layout of the apartment complex. Everyone's windows surrounded a courtyard. At any given time, you could just look around and know what everyone was up to (especially helpful because nobody seemed to be into blinds or curtains sans the newlyweds...but then again in the case of the piano player, you really couldn't cover up that much window glass).

It has since set the standard that I still secretly am holding out for an apartment with a fantastic window view of well, something. I'm not too picky. It could be the insides of others interesting household lives or a Whole Foods grocery storefront.

It goes without saying that I also loved the apartment residents. Incredibly interesting bunch. I always did have a soft spot for Miss Lonelyhearts with her imaginary guest dinner.



Grace Kelly in the dress that was "a steal at eleven hundred dollars."



Rear Window was beautifully parodied in an episode of The Simpsons, "Bart of Darkness." I have to confess, I saw the Simpsons version before the Hitchcock film and sort of lived with the expectation that the movie would end similarly (i.e. it was all a big mistake, the neighbor was actually well-intentioned, etc.)

Oh well. We can't all live next door to Ned Flanders.



"Hey! There's a sinister looking kid out there!"
Haha, thank you Matt Groening for animating Jimmy Stewart. Classic goodness.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Video Star



I was doing some cleanup underneath my bookmarks and found this little gem that consistently cracked me up in high school. Very well edited!



New season of Mad Men tonight. Naturally, I'm into it for the clothes and the suaveness that is Mr. Don Draper. :)

Love to you all,
Heather

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Eloise Retold



Once upon a yesterday, there was a young lady named Eloise. She lived in the heart of New York City inside of the Plaza Hotel with her Nanny and dog Weenie. When she was little, she was a blonde sprite who wrecked mischievous havoc on the elevators and in the downstairs dining rooms.

Now she was a little bit older and the only parts of herself she felt had changed were her newly brunette hair shade and the trading up of old Mary Janes for Christian Louboutins.

"Oh Nanny you mustn't check up on me tonight." Eloise insisted on her cordless phone, "I am, what is the word?, too ma-TOUR to get into any trouble."

Had Nanny been able to see her on the other end, she would have caught Eloise's crossed fingers.




Nanny graciously agreed to let Eloise spend the evening alone in her room at the plaza and Eloise rushed in a flurry to her mother's closet where she tried on every set of Jackie O styled gloves and diamond necklaces in the jewelry box.

She cranked up her stereo and played The Cult's "She Sells Sanctuary" as loudly as she could and skipped back and forth in front of the mirror.

"Dah-ling, shall we sip on a spot of gin and tonic this evening?" She had a marvelous natural British accent. She began chewing on the diamond necklace out of old habit. It was tastier than a piece of hair.

Eloise glanced down and gasped, "Weenie!"

She leaned over and pried free from Weenie's mouth a magazine photo of her favorite male crush, Ralph Fiennes. "You must NEV-AH chew on my fu-tour husband!"

Her gloved fingers smoothed the picture out and put it back up on her mirror where it belonged.




Eloise did the Charleston the whole way to the bathroom and stripped down to her skivvies to get ready. For what, she was never sure. Surely there was always something positively madcap happening in all corners of the world and even though she had never left the cozy confines of the plaza, she knew where she lived was madness unto itself.

Eloise cranked up the hair dryer and spun in circles precariously close to the wet sink. "Eeep!" she cried out and ran backwards pulling her hair dryer with her. The cord flew out of the socket and landed in the wet bathtub where Eloise "Eeeped!" again and threw the entire thing into the tub.

The lights flickered once and shut out. She could hear the neighbors up above her crying out in confusion. They must have lost power too!

"Never fear!" Eloise cried out as loudly as she could, "I will find the power!"

Weenie whimpered softly in the adjoining front room.




After a quick change into her school uniform (what? you didn't think she would traipse about the Plaza in the garters and petticoat did you? Silly readers!), Eloise took a hold of her trusty bike and headed out in search of power.

This search proved to be harder than expected. The first and foremost problem was that the bike had mysteriously shrunk over the years. It was simply too small to speedily assist anyone on!

"Perhaps Nanny slipped me some of those Alice in Wonderland grow bigger cookies." Eloise mused as she headed downstairs to the concierge.

Second and lastly of all, Eloise felt peculiar about not creating mischief. It was what she did best after all! So Eloise and the bike abandoned the idea of assistance (the Plaza always did the best to care for their residents) and went downstairs to the cocktail lounge.

"I get no kick out of champagne!" The Frank Sinatra impersonator crooned into the microphone. Eloise sat down next to a well dressed chap and clapped excitedly along with the other patrons. Golden Hollywood night was her very favorite at the Plaza!

"Mere alcohol doesn't thrill me at all!" The Ol Blue Eyes lookalike continued, tipping his hat in Eloise's direction.

She clapped happily, "Me neither!"

The chap next to her smiled a brilliant ear to ear grin at her, "My dear, what does thrill you?"

"Oh you know. Lipstick. Pretty white shoes. Dancing to the classics." Eloise waggled her eyebrows.




Back in her bedroom, Eloise happily kicked her feet back and forth, blissfully admiring her lovely white shoes and reapplying her lovely red lipstick that the chap had given her.

"My name is Rupert." He said and spun her out on the dance floor. Eloise closed her eyes and pretended that they really could fly to the moon.

Now that she back in her now-electricity lit room, Eloise felt content from the fun. There hadn't been any mischief but that was okay. So long as it was she and Weenie at the Plaza forever.

"Eloise my dear, I've got the water balloons ready!" Rupert cried out from the other room.

Well, almost no mischief.


Love to you all,
Heather

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Hot Off the Presses




"Pepperoni has a lot of fat and weird preservatives."

-Seventeen Magazine, September 2009

Quite possibly the worst opening sentence to an article I've ever seen in a print magazine. But very funny nonetheless.

Love to you all,
Heather

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Straw Spun From Gold/She Craves a Tortured Soul



The last few days have been oddly chilly and foggy outside. I've actually taken to sleeping in a jacket with several blankets. In August, in SoCal, and not exactly within the foggy haze of San Francisco. Not that I totally mind this. I just really really want a rainy day. That way, I would have a legit reason to take off from work (insert excuse about stomachache/cramps/fever here) and sit in my room, watching Flight of the Conchords and eating Mac and Cheese with the window open.

Next week, I get to go on that lovely little Peer Advisor retreat. DEAR GOD NO. I wish I could say that I'm being a tad overdramatic about this but I'm really not. I'm going to be trapped with a group of overenthusiastic future soccer moms (and dads) in training for the better part of the weekday. The kind of annoying teenagers who run around crying out "Best friend!" to one another and randomly breaking into group hugs and plugging "That's what she said" jokes every five goddamn seconds.

In order to avoid my head exploding, I'm going to have to count to fifty in three to five minute intervals (more or less depending on the circumstances) and stick a little bit of glue in my ears so my iPod's earbuds stay nice and anchored.

Retreats have never been my strong suit. In middle school, I went on these confirmation retreats at the private school I attended. The first one was in seventh grade and it actually turned out on a positive note. We stayed at a big house conveniently located in the middle of woods and our then-pastor decided that rather than coop us up inside watching religious documentaries, we would spend the entire day outside, exploring (in groups) the woods, the trails, the creeks and having big volleyball tournaments together. I wish I still remembered his name because that pastor pretty much let me do my own thing, be it in a paper or voicing an outside opinion in class, and would actually encourage it. Solid, man.

On the retreat, I had to walk down this huge sloped hill filled with sticks and rocks and basically everything you can think of that would be the scapegoat for a twisted or broken ankle. My friends just ran down it like it was no big deal. As usual, I was on my princess behavior (I think it was during my 'how to be a proper lady' phase) and put my hand on a tree trunk, debating about whether running down the hill and rewarding myself with a pair of shiny new crutches was a good idea. Along came this huge spider (the size of your fist) right above my resting hand and I bolted down the hill screaming, "SHHHITTTT!!!!"

Once I got to the bottom, everyone was cracking up including the pastor. Then we all went inside the cabin and watched "Wild America", a Jonathan Taylor Thomas classic.

Eighth grade rolled around and that pastor left and in his place, a new one came in. This one I had issues with. We went on our retreat, back to the same house as the year prior and this time around, got to watch movies about the various people heading to hell especially any and all people who believed in reincarnation. This bullshit went on for the next four hours and I seemed to be the only person in the room itching to go outside. By the time we finished the movies, we had about two hours total to play outdoors and I went to sleep that night, dreaming myself in a better place. Because the next two days would be filled with more movies and a disastrous ecosystem science project. That's right, homework on a goddamn retreat. Homework that was going to be graded that very day. My best friend and I did ours and spent the whole time cracking up and putting in extra shopping malls but paying little attention to the agricultural awareness necessary to live in a fictional utopian bubble. I would just like to point out that at least the state of the economy and spending would have been excellent and that I really don't mind living off of Pop Tarts for the rest of my life.

Then there was a high school retreat. God that was a nightmare. There were 2 specified retreats for the seniors at my school. Kairos and Mac. Who knows where they came up with these absurd names. Kairos was a week long and was notorious for brainwashing its participants. Everyone who went on it and came back returned with sudden newfound love for his/her fellow classmate, wrote letters to people they had wronged and remained mute about what really went down there. From what I heard, people got really emotional on that retreat and would break down in tears in front of the very people they despised/feared. I can't say I'm surprised at some of the criers but the unfortunate aspect is that most of them didn't have actual problems. Nobody (as far as I am aware) had ever been homeless, starving, unemployed or dealt with a severe disease or medical condition. They never had to fight or struggle in life. A boyfriend breaking up with you is not life threatening. Your parents not understanding you is no reason to write them off as "impossible."

The kids cried and came back wearing hideous wooden crosses on ropes around their neck. That's when they should have been crying, in my opinion.

I went on Mac, where all of the skeptics went. This retreat was so dull that most of my classmates sat outside smoking or talking on their phones. My retreat leader tried to coax some tears out of my group by name-dropping "Iraq War" and "9/11" in the same sentence but it wasn't happening for us. Then she went on to tell us that when she was in high school her nickname was "Puff" as in, the Magic Dragon. I smell a 420 reference. That nickname was given to her because she claims she once saw Puff and said that she was beautiful, all pink and sparkly with wings.

Oh honey. And did you live by the sea with Peter, Paul and Mary? Of course you did.

During our free time, I went back to my room and tried to read a little bit but instead napped, dreaming myself to a better place. That seems to be my quickest escape in any situation. I was destined to be a Lane (Daria characters Jane and Trent who are seldom awake before 4 in the afternoon).

Summing up that retreat briefly...I woke up and stumbled in late for a group activity, got ostracized for not wanting to participate in the late at night praying around the stones to Mary ritual (a very surreal and upsetting experience), had to write notes to members in my group and exchange them only to discover that two guys in that group wanted to get to know me better and asked me to hang out at their lockers with them (no, no and no thank you, I was too busy crushing on various other guys at that point).

It was only when I got off the bus and went home and then went to work at Subway that night that I realized that simply by being back at work, I was happier than I had been since starting that retreat.

And that's my retreat history in a long, long nutshell. I know it must sound apathetic and antisocial but ehh, I never did care much for the smell of teen spirit.

If you did though, I would love to hear about it! Good stories, shitty ones, nonexistent ideals of what you think a retreat is all about.

Love to you all,
Heather

Monday, August 10, 2009

Soundtrack of This Life



I've been listening to so much good music right now that it almost alarms me how quickly it keeps rolling in. The other night, I bought some tunes at 2am...I simply cannot sleep knowing there is something beautiful to hear! Besides, I function my best at 2am anyhow. It's a fact.

I'm so in love with Air even though prior to now, I had been aware of them but aside from "Cherry Blossom Girl" and the soundtrack to The Virgin Suicides, I was in the dark about their work. "Pocket Symphony" is beautiful and I am quite partial to "Redhead Girl" with the wind chime opening.



If you consider that my last entry was basically the lyrics to "60 Miles an Hour" with pictures, well it's obvious that this one is on my playlist. "Crystal" is stellar as well.



I first heard "God is a DJ" in 8th grade and the beat has stuck with me throughout the years. Last night I listened to it for the first time in ages and fell back in love. Definitely perfect for a foggy morning.



Jude Law rocks a pink dress shirt and Mick Jagger and Dave Stewart score this film. Ya gotta love "Oh Nikki" which makes me feel like I'm at the best most swinging New Year's Eve party ever.



I'm pretty sure anyone in a bad mood will feel 100% better once they hear "Cocktail Swing", it's the ultimate in uplifting cheery tunes. The movie was also a delight and filled with so many wonderful outfits, I wanted to jump into a time machine and get the hell out of now and go back to then.



I was totally rocking out in the lobby to "Epistemology", probably my favorite track on the album even though this one is loaded with so many good songs, it's tough to choose just one.



An oldie but a goodie, I am so completely content with this album.

Love to you all,
Heather

Sunday, August 9, 2009

New Order



I don't know if I told you
But I'm seeking sanctuary
You'd never guess the things that I do
I've had the devil around for tea





Don't you know that I'm here beside you?
Can't you see that I can't relax?
When I saw you in my rear view
You could have stopped me in my tracks





I'll be there for you when you want me to
I'll stand by your side like I always do
In the dead of night it'll be alright
Because I'll be there for you when you want me to




You could take me to an island
Ride across a stormy sea
We could worship pagan idols
There together you and me





Why don't you run over here and rescue me?
You could drive down in your car
Why don't we both take a ride and turn that key
We'll drive at sixty miles an hour





I'll be there for you when you want me to
I'll stand by your side like I always do
In the dead of night it'll be alright
Because I'll be there for you when you want me to





I'll be there for you when you want me to
I'll stand by your side like I always do
In the dead of night it'll be alright
Because I'll be there for you when you want me to





I'll be there for you when you want me to
I'll stand by your side like I always do
In the dead of night it'll be alright
Because I'll be there for you when you want me to



Song Credits: New Order 60 Miles An Hour

Love to you all,
Heather