I've been thinking lately. What a surprise huh? These thoughts all happen to be related to a concept that up until a couple weeks ago, I was seriously against doing.
Graduate school.
I've had a love/hate affair with school my entire life. I love to learn and enjoy being in a scholarly atmosphere. Hearing the different opinions of others can make me smile in agreement or cause my blood to boil-that's good! I like that school makes me think and forces me to evaluate my position in the world.
However...
This spring semester has been the first time I have ever come close to surrendering. Nearly every other semester, I have been obsessed with turning everything in on time and doing a freakish amount of work on a project, lifting it from 100% to 344%. I'm a little apprehensive this time around. I don't feel like what I have been doing is enough. Sure, I've been having the thoughts, pushing around 'cutting-edge' ideas in my head, but when they pop out onto the paper, I fear they are lost in translation. Written in special Heather code that only I get and the rest of the classroom is going to be "Whaa-t? Did she just refer to our generation as 'breeding lil' narcissists?' And why is she talking about Willy Wonka?"
It's confusing, even to me sometimes. But I always keep the faith that it will all tie up itself. It usually does, with the aid of old quotes and song lyrics. I'm telling you, songs literally save my life when I write...my favorite now is "Narkotic" by Liquido.
Cal Lutheran was my dream and I am currently fulfilling it. I look to my future and it looks empty(ish). I know I will go on and write somewhere, live somewhere poorly furnished but with a rich closet, and just keep doing my thing. But I feel like something's missing. Something like maybe, more school? There's a part of me that screams "No! You cannot keep digging further down a debt hole! I'll slap you into reality containing a $900 a month apartment, car note, phone bill and Sallie Mae statements! Goddamnit, wake up already!"
The other part of me calmly hands me the shovel and says, "That will happen regardless of school. Your education is priceless and yes, setbacks will occur. But it happens to everyone and imagine your life with another degree. One that only requires 10 months at most to complete. Dig Miss Heather, dig like your life depends on it!"
So I'll dig. Even my parents think it's a good idea and the more I think about it, especially given the recession times we live in, hanging on to medical insurance and having a secure place to live for a few more years sounds just dandy.
*Haha, I don't remember Memoirs of a Geisha being that good!
Here is a tentative list of schools I'm considering:
-UC Berkeley Grad. School of Journalism
-San Francisco State Uni. Department of Journalism
-USC: Annenberg School
-Columbia Uni. (NY) Grad. School of Journalism
I'm keeping it local with the first three and the fourth is the torch I carry in my heart. Despite the fact that I would probably not get in due to geographical issues, I'm still thinking about it.
Of the first three, USC is the cheapest and looks pretty swell. SF is another small (but chilly) dream spot and Berkeley sounds amazing but probably likes girls who score impressively well on tests (as you know already, I am dreadful at test taking).
I think I'm going to leave this list here and come back to it later. Maybe in a month it will change. Maybe not. But I'm fairly certain now that grad school is the new plan in my life.
She's wearing something very similar to what I would wear.
Love to you all,
Heather
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