Monday, April 20, 2009

Brought to You by the Letter A



I'm running on a life high right now where little things like ladybugs on the sidewalk and calla lilies in our school stream make me feel really glad and grateful. Must be all this fine weather around me and the fact that I saw some guy's car today with a Lebowski Fest bumper sticker on it.
No life high can take away my ability to have annoyances at obviously stupid things. And when I get annoyed at things like these, I mock them relentlessly, sometimes blatantly in your face and other times with some subtle pokes.
So I present...a list of annoyances:

1) Pretentious Writing
The kind that doesn’t convey emotions insomuch as it falls in love with itself and the various adjectives and ways to sound like lyrical prose. It attempts so hard to be meaningful when it’s really just you saying you have a stomachache. Just be up front with the way you say it. Once you stop tripping over yourself and trying to sound pseudo-intelligent, you'll get the real deal outta it; feelings. Real authentic ones!

2) Screamy Whiny Bullshit Singers.
For example the guys from Simple Plan/The Offspring/Good Charlotte (is this band even together anymore?) who bitch about how tough their lives are in a two story house with their own car and oppressive parents who don’t like it when they gel their hair out to the extreme. They all sound the exact same with an occasional guitar chord difference. Ask me to do any impression anytime.

3) B. H. Hipsters
Like the B.C. era, B. H. is Beyond Hipster. When you are beyond hipster, you try to make obscure bands like Lovely Allen supercool and try to get people to notice that are trying to rock the comeback of the Electric Company and butterfly hair clips. But you know. Ironically worn with messy hair and skinny jeans of course. And goddamn boots all year round.

4) This Kind of Person
People who speelll everythinggg outtttt wittttth likkke fffffive eeexxxtra sylllllables. Sooo sickkk, rigggghtt?
Lame. Are you attempting to look like you’re drunk texting at 9am on Facebook? Lame.

Man, I enjoyed getting that out!

Love to you all,
Heather

1 comment:

Des said...

This post is soooooo funnnyyyy!!! lol. I couldn't agree with you more. I really do judge people who write like that.