Initially this post was going to be heavier in content because lately life has turned into a fork in the road with me wondering which side to choose. But I'm getting a bit tired of writing about my twenty-something panic attacks over decision-making moments, especially since I've been having these moments for almost 10 years now (The first one was when I was 13 and had one of the biggest identity crisis's you can imagine in which I did not know anything about myself anymore and had to start fresh. Plus, I was incredibly angry at just about everything and everyone and entering my Goth phase. Yep, gotta love puberty.)
Onward to a lighthearted post!
We'll call this one: "The Sudden Realization That I Dated a Guy Who Looked Like My Old TV Crush."
When I was 16, getting home by 4:30 in the afternoon was critical for me. This was before I had two jobs and did way too many extracurricular activities. A simpler time where I was just a girl who enjoyed having a stack of Oreos and settling into the couch to watch one of my favorite programs, The Tribe.
The Tribe, a New Zealand TV series that aired on a network called Wam!, was about a post-apocalyptic society ruled by teenagers. A few years prior, a deadly virus spread through the city, wiping out most of the adult population who sent their children away to a virus-free place to live. It sounds like a lame premise for a show, and in the wrong hands, it could have very well turned into something starring camera-friendly almost 30 year olds attempting to portray 16-19 year olds, in designer threads. However, it stayed very much realistic to the idea of what this sort of future would look like. The biggest concerns were getting water, food, and electricity. Survival was key and outside "tribes" threatened this way of life. You knew which tribe was which by the way each group dressed and decorated their faces. And you know, there were relationship issues tossed in there too to liven it up. It was fairly normal to lose boyfriends and girlfriends and become attracted to others and get pregnant and occasionally, someone would die which is true to life.
The series had been on the air for 4 years and at the time I started watching it, it was heading into its 5th and final season. Of course, my real motivation for watching this show had nothing to do with the plot. I was in it for the enormous surplus of attractive guys littering this show.
The nice thing about The Tribe was that it contained a TON of characters with new ones added every season. There were about 8 or more revolving plot lines at any given moment, most of which featured guys with Kiwi accents. And you wonder why I literally ran to my house after school was over to watch this show.
Current state of dress at 16: black, black, some red, and more black.
Current state of mind at 16: scowling, angry, living in this idea that I knew more than most people, particularly my parents.
Naturally, I was only going to be attracted to a character that embodied these traits...
Ahh, my crush on Ram, the leader of the Technos tribe. He was brilliant, but ruthless, germaphobic, and a manipulative asshole all rolled into one dictator package. Oh, and a polygamist with 3 wives. Gotta love the little red hair horn spikes too.
Ram was fairly divorced from reality. He spent the majority of his time tucked away into a little virtual universe he created for himself online which was made to fit his taste in everything he liked. Of course, throughout the series, this virtual world falls apart and Ram learns how to make friends, and become a better person.
So I had a big crush on him. On the actor Tom Hern who played Ram to be specific. I'm what you might call "special" when it comes to liking guys. For every Ralph Fiennes or Robert Downey Jr. I wind up getting hearts in my eyes over, there's a Mickey Rourke right behind them. This is why I have an enormously difficult time describing my "type" to people. Namely because I don't think I really have one. When I like a guy, there's no telling just what I will like in them. No way of knowing really. *shrugs shoulders*
Come to think of it, I made some collages of Ram/Tom Hern back in the day. Basically, when I was younger and liked celebrities I made collages of them and taped them on the back of my bedroom door (or ceiling...). I still make collages today, but they're mostly of clothing with the majority of these images finding their way to my Tumblr.
The Tribe ends its run and I forget about Tom Hern until one Saturday morning 2 years later when I pretty much spit out my cereal during the Power Rangers opening credits. His name was in it! Wonderful 30 minute watching ensued for the next couple of Saturdays.
By the way, let's have that image sink in. I'm 18, watching Power Rangers for a hot guy, and eating Peanut Butter Cap 'n Crunch on Saturday morning while the majority of people in my senior year high school class are still hungover from the previous evening. I'm regressing back to childhood each day it seems.
4 years pass and I'd more or less forgotten about Mr. Hern in favor of other men. For whatever reason, I looked the show up on YouTube after graduating and was delighted to find every episode on it! Huzzah! I settle in and begin watching.
It dawns on me midway through that Tom Hern looks very familiar to a guy I knew. I wrack my mind trying to place the faces. Who? Who is it?
Oh dear God. He looks just like "S", a guy I briefly dated in December.
"S" was this guy I wound up picking up at the club Sunset. He was nice. The trouble was that he was very handsome if you had been hitting the bottle (or martini glass) for awhile. Once that wore off, he was...alright looking. Cute(ish), but I preferred the cute(r) version my drunken brain cells had of him.
Naturally, this went south before any relationship had the time to take place. I was still hung-up over "R" (the infamous ex), and not motivated to be anyone's girlfriend which to his credit, "S" respected and didn't push me to be with him.
I can't believe it took me that long to realize that "S" and Tom Hern looked alarmingly similar. Some girls dream of dating or being with guys that look like their TV crushes. When it actually happens, it's strange. Nothing plays out the way you envisioned it would in your head.
This led me to vow never to date my fictional TV character's real-life doppelganger.
Unless it's a Don Draper/Jon Hamm lookalike. Then that reasoning and logic doesn't matter.
Love to you all,