Monday, February 22, 2010

And as she sits upon her place/Her innocence laid on her face

That title comes from a song I love, The Infanta by The Decemberists. It makes all of the bones in my body wake up, it's that good.

I don't know why, but I've been thinking about ee cummings' poem "I Carry Your Heart" for the last 24 hours straight. Let's have all of that beauty copied here, yes?

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)

i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

-ee cummings

Let me ask something, in all seriousness here.

Say you have someone in your life (or you want to put back in your life) that makes you feel like doing the following things:

screaming until you can't anymore, laughing, crying heavily, hugging, kissing, potential bone jumping in the middle of the sidewalk, listening to, hitting, throwing beverages of the Cherry Coke variety at, excited to see and nervous to see and maybe feel like throwing up around...

Are you in love?

I keep telling myself no, because of so many circumstances. There's always time to blame and being busy with my own life and the million things I seem to never stop doing. And the fact that we haven't properly talked, like talk talked in ages.

But lately, I'm late with everything and can't focus. I'll always be busy. I guess I'm scared that one day, all this rush to get somewhere will cause me to miss out.

I just need to sit and think for awhile. I'm starting to sound like a broken record. Though I'm scared to because all of these thoughts make me feel like I'm out of breath.

It sounds like desperation, but as a girl who has considered herself long to be no man's woman, it is beyond a shock to my system. I feel like I've been dropkicked. For some time now.

It's so hard for me to pretend nothing is going on in my head, to keep moving and dressing up and wearing that same red lipstick and wondering, if when he sees me, do I ever look better than before?

Sometimes, knowing just a sliver of the mind would be nice.

In that case, I should focus more on my own.

Love to you all,


Anonymous said...

cute heart pics .. love them! :)


SabinePsynopsis said...

Ah love, isn't it a splendid (if slightly stressful) thing? Noone is a no (wo)man's (wo)man, me think.

Kristin said...

Can you imagine your life without this person. If they weren't in it anymore would you be ok? I can't imagine life without the hubs!

Phoenix said...

No one can tell you if you're in love except you.

But I will say this: that the person you wrote about, the one who makes you laugh, cry heavily, and gets you excited and nervous to see him...

I have one of those too. And a long time ago, he wrote down a poem - ee cumming's "I carry Your Heart", to be exact - on a piece of paper, and I carry it in my inside jacket pocket so that it rests against my heart during my day.

I don't know if that's the answer you're looking for, or if it's the question you needed to hear...but that's my story. And I'm sticking to it (and to the boy who wrote a peom down for me to carry alongside my own heart.)

Erica said...

love the first photo


natalie said...

Hmmm, I guess the question "are you in love?" doesn't exactly have a simple or easy answer, now does it? :/ I really don't know much about love, but I suppose I'd agree with the person that said that you can only answer that yourself. I guess just take a deep breath and think things through, and good luck :)

MT Days & Nights said...

cool lyrics.

JennyMac said...

Love the pics...

and as for love, I would ask if your life would be less without this person....

And will you pretty please link your email to your blogger profile? I wanted to respond to one of your comments and got 'no reply at blogger' as your email. Boo! :)

Jaime said...

That poem is amazing.

kathleen said...

I love your blog. It's stunning.

Suzy said...

The first guy I almost married, when I was 19, was an e.e. freak. He was also into Yevgeny Yevtushenko, a Russian poet.

The man that made my heart/body do all those things you mentioned? Yeah, for me it was love. He had no idea at the time. Well maybe a little. But he married someone else and I'll never be the same.

prashant said...

I can't imagine life without the hubs!

your healthy choice