Friday, February 5, 2010
You know what?
On this road to adulthood, the journey to growing more mature, responsible, and wise, I've regressed. So very often I feel like a little girl playing dress up. Make believe I'm grown up for the day.
It creeps in in subtle ways that I'm not an adult yet. I giggle at everything, eat my sandwiches without the crusts, fidget at my desk during class without using my Blackberry as a method of fidgeting, bite at my nails, and still make collages of photos I like.
I have moments where I'll be dressed up, talking with adults around the water cooler (we have one at my job) and it all feels very perfunctory. I'm not going into adulthood willingly, you'll have to drag me kicking and screaming into it.
I love nothing more than to sit in bed and listen to some good music.
And write and daydream. Doug Funnie and I are on the same wavelength.
I have a friend Phoebe, who I consider to be one of the wisest friends I have. I told her about how I felt about growing up and feeling like I'm not really there and that these days, more than ever, I feel the need to goof off. She told me that she went through something very similar herself, that most people go through this on the way to becoming an adult.
Good to know. See, this is where the differences lie between my friends and my parents. My friends just tell it like it is because they're feeling all the same emotions I am and sure we're freaked out, but we all find beauty in simple things and just love being in each others' company. My parents just say to act like an adult, network, and always, always tell me I want a job with lots of money. Cause money = happiness. Cause my life is just oh so fulfilled and great when my wallet is fat.
There is no success life line on my left hand and a thin one that tapers off on the right one.
My head and heart life lines, however, are long and deep.
Fine by me.
Love to you all,