Friday, February 5, 2010

99 Days

You know what?

On this road to adulthood, the journey to growing more mature, responsible, and wise, I've regressed. So very often I feel like a little girl playing dress up. Make believe I'm grown up for the day.

It creeps in in subtle ways that I'm not an adult yet. I giggle at everything, eat my sandwiches without the crusts, fidget at my desk during class without using my Blackberry as a method of fidgeting, bite at my nails, and still make collages of photos I like.

I have moments where I'll be dressed up, talking with adults around the water cooler (we have one at my job) and it all feels very perfunctory. I'm not going into adulthood willingly, you'll have to drag me kicking and screaming into it.

I love nothing more than to sit in bed and listen to some good music.

And write and daydream. Doug Funnie and I are on the same wavelength.

I have a friend Phoebe, who I consider to be one of the wisest friends I have. I told her about how I felt about growing up and feeling like I'm not really there and that these days, more than ever, I feel the need to goof off. She told me that she went through something very similar herself, that most people go through this on the way to becoming an adult.

Good to know. See, this is where the differences lie between my friends and my parents. My friends just tell it like it is because they're feeling all the same emotions I am and sure we're freaked out, but we all find beauty in simple things and just love being in each others' company. My parents just say to act like an adult, network, and always, always tell me I want a job with lots of money. Cause money = happiness. Cause my life is just oh so fulfilled and great when my wallet is fat.

There is no success life line on my left hand and a thin one that tapers off on the right one.

My head and heart life lines, however, are long and deep.

Fine by me.

Love to you all,


Signe said...

Love your header.

Eva said...

I don't want to grow up. The person who works my day job and the person I am are very different. This was a great post. ... Doug Funny, man, those were the days.

TheLittleFlower said...

Growing up is difficult. I wish I could bring back all good,old times.

Ms. B @ Millie Deel said...

I suppose I was somewhat of a strange child because while all of my friends couldn't wait to grow up, I was always enjoying the fact that I was so carefree and knew that it would end all too soon, and it did.

Phoebe Rose said...

oh Phoebes are so wise hehe :) i've always kind of been in a hurry to grow up! But i'm sure that will all change soon!

FASHIONconfectionairy said...

No I never want to grow up, no one can drag me into adult life. A lot of people say I act older than my age but I am going to forever stay this age so in years from now they will be saying I act young for my age.

Liya said...

such a sweet, funny, insightful post

Vinda Sonata said...

very interesting and thoughtful post, heather. i can relate with you in many parts, esp. the parents. many of them think that their children will end up happy once they are hired for a job that will grant us with a lot of money, in fact, they're not that right.

thanks for sharing, and i really love the pictures which complement the story. keep up the good work!

MT Days & Nights said...

love that pic of Leighton!

kim said...

oh. i don't want to grow up either. adults never seem fun, and often bitter and sad.

XXX, Kim

drollgirl said...

i guess i am all grown up at 39 years old, but sometimes i still laugh at inappropriate things like i am still in junior high. is that being immature? maybe. i don't really care, tho! :)

and thank you for the comment you left the other day regarding parents. it is good to know that you have weird parents, too (no offense intended -- my parents take the trophy in that department!!!). ;)

cupcake♥trash said...

I really love the first photo.

Phoenix said...

Great post - sometimes I think the older we are, the more we get to act like kids because we actually have that on/off button.

Sometimes I am a huge brat. Other times I am the wisest creature in the world. We gotta embrace every bit of ourselves in order to be happy - and no, that doesn't include a fat wallet.

Money comes and goes. Being yourself is priceless.

FASHIONconfectionairy said...

Thank you for your nice thoughts, I feel so much better now!

Laura said...

I know how you feel! Most of the students in my class are older than me by about 3 or 4 years, so I feel like I'm just playing grown-up but not very convincingly...

the girl in grey said...

You read words from my lips.