Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Just Dream About/ How I Will Let Go
All of these stills are from An Education, which will be released on DVD in March. I listen to the soundtrack whenever I feel like I want to place myself into the past which is just nearly every other day of my life. Some of the composed pieces are excellent to write along to. I get teary-eyed often while listening. It happens a lot with me and composed music.
I've been having a multitude of strange dreams lately.
Monday- I was in a house with a big window attached and staring out the window into the window of the house directly across from it. In the opposite window a boy who looked very much like my brother who joined the Navy was standing there. I waved to him and he waved back. That was the dream. Somehow, it feels like he reached me in the dream, as a way of saying everything was okay with him. I felt very positive waking up.
Tuesday- I was running in a parking lot of a Target wearing a navy blue ballgown and heels. And laughing. I never laugh in my dreams so this was odd.
Wednesday (today)- To make up for all those happy dreams, I had my requisite sad one. In this dream, Conan O'Brien was going to host SNL (haha, that won't happen) and I was excited to watch it, but kept traveling between my old home state and California. Eventually I wound up in CA and was sitting on a bed in a room I had never been in with a beautiful man I had never met. We kissed for a little bit and I started to cry in the dream because he was just about amazing and in a weird way that I'm sure is not weird to others, I liked having his weight on me. Just doing nothing else, just having his weight on me. Woke up feeling like I wanted to cry.
Writing that last dream wasn't easy. In communications, we call it Social Penetration Theory in which you are like an onion and each layer you peel off reveals more about yourself to someone else. And though it was a very PG-13 dream, I still felt antsy about peeling that sort of layer about myself off...just 'cause it's me.
When people ask me about soulmates and such, I usually reply with some sort of flippant remark that ends with most people laughing. Deep down though, deep down, I do have moments where I sincerely doubt that I could ever meet the guy of my dreams. The idea of remaining in a long-term relationship with one other person does scare me. Who could put up with me for that long? I wonder if somewhere out there, there is a man thinking the exact same thing to himself.
I guess I'll find out one day.
On another, less introspective, note I have dropped my Creative Writing class. The one with the teacher who yelled at me. I feel much better now with that out of the way. It gives me more time to focus on my other projects for my other classes.
I'm rereading Franny and Zooey too. It's just impeccable. Don't you love reading a book where the protagonist and you are on the same level? Mmm, I sure do!
Love to you all,