Hate So Much

Hate is a very strong word that I try to steer clear of most of the time. I use "dislike" often.

But in the case of Facebook, I hate this site so much I don't think I have any words for it. If it was not for the fact that I'm doing my Honors project on it and that I am obliged to visit the site daily as part of my observations, I would delete my account today and not look back.

I know there are some good things about the site. I like being connected to my friends, especially the ones that I'm growing increasing distant from. I like to talk to them with the chat option and see what's going on where they are.

Is that all? It's all I can think of that I like. Being on Facebook seldom makes me happy which truly bothers me. I find it perfunctorily at best, it is just another site I visit in my long list every morning. I don't want to get another invitation to play Mafia Wars (no thank you). I don't want to join another "Snowball Effect" Group and for the last time, I am not going to post a photo of myself for the profile picture. I myself could not open that site every morning and look at a photo of myself. It makes me feel uncomfortable to look for too long at myself. Not sure why that is but it's been like that since I was little.

Earlier this week I changed my last name on the site. I did this mostly so I could start my post-grad job search and not have anyone poke around onto my profile and reconsider giving me a job offer. I must say, I'm not thrilled that I had to do it because I do really love my name but it's just a precaution.

Well, someone (one of my "friends") had to be an asshole and write underneath my status that "someone is looking for attention."

Someone just got deleted off of my friends list as a result.

Ugh. Just writing that sentence up there made me irritated to the point of laughter just now. I just felt like the biggest geek around- oh yeah? You don't like me? Well, I'm deleting you! ZAP! POW! KABOOEY!!

That was only the beginning. Some of my friends speculated that I got married, engaged, etc. Some were genuinely confused or just wondering. I explained it out for everyone and hopefully that did the trick.

Am I the only one who feels like Facebook is just an extension of high school sometimes? Groups that you have to be invited to join, the fact that how popular you are is viewed from the number of postings on your wall, how many people can like your status...does no one else feel absolutely positively claustrophobic on this site sometimes? It's a more recent thing for me and I'm not sure why that is, but I don't like it.

I'm not exactly the greatest person to follow on Facebook. I don't update my status every 20 minutes and aside from my occasional profile pictures switches, I don't really do much with my page.

My studies on Facebook keep leading me back to the concept of self-presentation- that all we do on Facebook and within our profiles is carefully, meticulously done. Decisions about others can be made within 2 seconds (that is really all it takes) and we constantly want others to see us in the best possible light.

Except me. When this project is over, I'm going to try to get kicked off of Facebook first to see if it can work and if that doesn't happen, I'm deactivating my account. I don't like to do what everyone does all that much.

And don't even get me started on Twitter. I could harp on that one for days.

I do like Tumblr though and have been highly considering getting one.

Love to you all,
Heather