Monday, April 13, 2009

2AM Deep Thoughts

Taking a break from homework to type out some thoughts.

Question: Would it be bad form to e-mail my religion professor at this hour?
I'm going with yes but only because most everyone is asleep or heading there right now. Not a whole lot of people consider 2am to be their peak hour work time. I do, working on my script with some Thomas Newman playing in the background.

The homework is threatening to overpower me, the FAFSA sits quietly half-filled on my hard drive. My days are littered with so much to do that even though I secretly love to complain about it, I've been having a couple of days where I'm ready to start bringing a mini white flag to class and waving it.

There are so many deadlines coming up. Some are more intermediate like papers and scripts due for class and the FAFSA on Wednesday. Others are graduation which is a little over a year away. Then there are the "life goals" like having a career and a family and things like that to fulfill within a certain frame of years.

I don't know what will happen to me when I graduate. I assume that a year from now I will be a different girl and will have an answer or two about this. And to that end, I can't sit here in the present and say, "Well I'm going to live in Paris for a year" or "I know I'm definitely not going home, that's for sure."

My future has no definite clear answer. It isn't for me to try to make one up here and stick with it. I have some goals for the future and ideals for how I would like it to turn out but I know better now. I'm going to be as open to different situations as possible because it's how we grow as people. By not having a definite plan, there is room for spontaneity. I've always said "I have a plan" or "I'll find a way."

So many people around me and strangers on the street are obsessed with becoming famous. They are so into "me, me, me" and trampling on others to get to the top. I get so frustrated at their behavior sometimes. It's very selfish and egotistical. And this is coming from a girl who used to be extremely selfish growing up and for a long time, was pretty unhappy.

I feel different now. Older with some wisdom. The only thing left is to keep traveling, see more people, hear what they have to say.
And get off that damn Facebook. I can't tell my brother's future children that I remember Superpoking someone for three weeks straight as part of my college experience.
Just an example.

Love to you all,

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