And as she sits upon her place/Her innocence laid on her face

That title comes from a song I love, The Infanta by The Decemberists. It makes all of the bones in my body wake up, it's that good.

I don't know why, but I've been thinking about ee cummings' poem "I Carry Your Heart" for the last 24 hours straight. Let's have all of that beauty copied here, yes?



i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)

i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

-ee cummings



Let me ask something, in all seriousness here.

Say you have someone in your life (or you want to put back in your life) that makes you feel like doing the following things:

screaming until you can't anymore, laughing, crying heavily, hugging, kissing, potential bone jumping in the middle of the sidewalk, listening to, hitting, throwing beverages of the Cherry Coke variety at, excited to see and nervous to see and maybe feel like throwing up around...

Are you in love?

I keep telling myself no, because of so many circumstances. There's always time to blame and being busy with my own life and the million things I seem to never stop doing. And the fact that we haven't properly talked, like talk talked in ages.

But lately, I'm late with everything and can't focus. I'll always be busy. I guess I'm scared that one day, all this rush to get somewhere will cause me to miss out.

I just need to sit and think for awhile. I'm starting to sound like a broken record. Though I'm scared to because all of these thoughts make me feel like I'm out of breath.

It sounds like desperation, but as a girl who has considered herself long to be no man's woman, it is beyond a shock to my system. I feel like I've been dropkicked. For some time now.

It's so hard for me to pretend nothing is going on in my head, to keep moving and dressing up and wearing that same red lipstick and wondering, if when he sees me, do I ever look better than before?

Sometimes, knowing just a sliver of the mind would be nice.

In that case, I should focus more on my own.

Love to you all,
Heather

Give Me Your Heart and I Promise to Keep it Safe

Things seem to be getting worse before they get better.

Worldwide, as you all know, the country of Haiti suffered a tremendous earthquake on Tuesday. This would gravely affect the lives of anyone no matter where it happened, but Haiti is a third-world country. The quake caused several UN buildings to collapse including the headquarters in Port-au-Prince. They do not have the resources or finances that other countries are privileged to have so recovery for them must be as fast as possible. President Obama has already pledged to have money donated to the country and the first lady Michelle is also encouraging those to donate towards the relief effort.

Even though I myself don't have much money, I feel very much the need to give what I can. I get my paycheck tomorrow so I'm setting aside some money towards those in need. It is during times of crisis that we should not forget one another and by giving, even just a small amount, we really do help and create a difference in the lives of others.

At my job, the big topic of conversation is not Haiti but rather the NBC/Jay Leno/Conan O'Brien debacle. One of the women I work with has a son who is a staff writer for Conan and says that the news does not look good for the show at all. The network is threatening to bar him from being aired because Conan refused to take the 12:05 slot.

I adore Conan O'Brien and was fortunate enough to attend a taping of his show last summer. Little did I know it could potentially be the last time I get a chance to do so. Conan has refused to take the slot so that Jay Leno can get his old spot back and I fully stand by Conan's decision. NBC has made a complete mess out of The Tonight Show and as everyone in my office agrees, no one is going to be the winner here.



On the home front, my brother Earl is leaving home to join the Navy on Tuesday. He will go through basic training in Illinois and then move to Pensacola, Florida to work there for four years on the computer systems.

I'm very proud of him and excited for all that he will see and do, but I get antsy. He is my kid brother after all, the boy I spent my childhood goofing off with and teenage years spontaneously blowing up into fits of adolescent angst at. He's growing up, as is the rest of my family.

I'm still on the outs on how I feel about growing up.

Meanwhile, I'll be lucky if I have a chance to breathe this semester. It's my last one in college and this means...
* classes in marketing, advertising, and creative writing
* departmental honors in which I'm writing a big paper about social networking (I will try to stay as un-biased against Facebook as possible. That will be harder with Twitter.) which I get to present in our school's annual Festival of Scholars in April
* independent study program where I'll get to continue writing my fashion column for the school newspaper, but will explore the world of column writing in general
* work at both jobs, in my school's marketing department and as a writing tutor
* the 3 clubs I'm a member of

Winded yet? I am. Yet at the same time, people have come to expect constant business from me so on many levels, this is hardly surprising and nothing new.

Not on the list, but still very important are also:
* Blogging and Tumblring, my online loves
* Spending as much time as possible with my friends. Which won't be much time, but I'll find a way to make it work out.
* Jobs: The Search Continues
* Uh, if possible, try to avoid male distractions. They are somewhat to blame for that C+ in one of my classes last semester. 'Try' is the operative word here; I have ADD around guys and like a new one practically every week.
* Watch new seasons of Project Runway and Glee.



Life.

It's nonstop. Chaotic. Turns and twists and heartbreak and loneliness and joy and aging and birth and new destinations and old places all wrapped up in a big venti Starbucks cup.

Things might be bad and sometimes return to that bad place. Luckily, we remember just when we might have forgotten just how much we mean to one another and how very much just our presence makes such a difference to others. People say this all of the time and it remains a solid truth throughout the ages.

Everyone's got a good heart. I just know it.

Love to you all,
Heather

PS: A big, big thank you to Dibbly Fresh and Fashion Pearls of Wisdom for the awards!