Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Weekend in Vegas
This past weekend I went to Vegas for the first time with some friends. I don't know about you but the first thing I think when I think Vegas, aside from the obligatory "woo!", is the movie The Hangover. And while I wasn't expecting a weekend of waking up with a tiger in my bathroom, a tooth knocked out, and a baby (Carlos) in the closet, I guess I was expecting some pretty wild and crazy moments to happen. I was also expecting to really, really like the city of Las Vegas.
I can sum everything up in a bunch of words all strung together in one sentence:
hot loud sweltering slutty tramp New York walking hours gamble margaritas Miami Vice heels Mirage Bellagio shots expensive chocolate pole dancing clubbing card tables Caesar's Palace lonely windowless shifty dudes Venetian light shows people everywhere scammers tits and ass Thunder Down Under tourists Paris bright heat MGM Grand lions pools.
It was incredibly hot outside both during the morning and the evening. We walked everywhere and everything got further and further the closer you thought you were to your destination. We walked for 7 hours on Saturday which was painful after some time but I had a super big tube cup thing filled with Miami Vice (strawberry daiquiri with pina colada mixed together so I didn't mind the heat one bit). We went EVERYWHERE. You name it, we were there. Bellagio, Caesar's Palace, MGM Grand, Paris, New York, New York. Like the champs we were, we headed back to the hotel at 9, dressed up and went to the club. Jet at the Mirage where we got in because of a guy who worked there named Charlie Brown (it's legit, I promise) who we met outside of Margaritaville.
In the line at the club, we waited about half an hour and I met a girl standing in front of us named Camilla. She was from Germany, very nice, about our age, and by herself. In Vegas! I'm all for visiting cities alone and all, but Vegas is where you bring/drag your friends and family along to. I can't imagine visiting this city by myself. It's just sketchy. You never know just who you will meet.
Which brings me to the scammer. Ugh. I promised I would leave it out of every retelling of this weekend to my friends, but we did get scammed out of 40 bucks for some smooth talking guy rambling on and on about getting us in for free and with VIP passes at Tao. So yeah, just a cautionary tale, don't give your money to random strangers promising you will meet Fergie and Pharrell Williams.
In Jet, I danced on a pole in a very short skirt with fishnets with my friends. Woo! Vegas!
But then we got off of the pole because some guys had their camera phones out, taking pictures of everything that the camera could see up our skirts.
I guess you could say I got famous in a sense because somewhere on the Interwebs, there is a picture(s) of my crouch in that club making its rounds. To that, all I can say is woo-hoo! Vegas!
Not everything that happens there stays there ;)
After dancing for hours, we headed over to the Venetian at around 3:30. Hobbling there, because none of us could hardly stand up in our heels from the combined constant walking and dancing. I was in a pissy mood because the guys at Jet were incredibly rude and disgusting. Seriously. We girls looked hot and the least they could have done was shower and dress better. Observe this conversation I had:
Disgusting Guy That I Would Never Touch in a Million Years: Wanna dance?
Me: Uh, no thanks. But hey! You can buy me a drink instead!
(I was dead serious too.)
Disgusting Guy That I Would Never Touch in a Million Years: *laughs* You can buy it yourself!
See what I was up against? However, life at the Venetian was grand. At the bar, they gave us complimentary pretzels (the big doughy baked kind, not the little baggies of dry pretzels), and a HUGE glass of my favorite beer Stella Artois for six dollars. Our waitress was really sweet and there was a table of businessmen in suits in the table behind us who not only bought a birthday shot for one of our friends who was celebrating her 21st, but were very nice to talk to. A very good finish to a long day.
Despite everyone's best intentions, none of us were hungover in the morning. Which is a very good thing because the car ride back was nearly 8 hours long, trapped in traffic for most of the ride, and every gas station stop involved us guzzling down water because it was so hot and dry outside.
I liked Vegas, but it's definitely a 36 hour trip for me. Stay no longer than that time and leave no earlier.
In closing, I leave you with this little gem...
"What do tigers dream of when they take their little tiger snooze? Do they dream of mauling zebras, or Halle Berry in her Catwoman suit? Don't you worry your pretty striped head, we're gonna get you back to Tyson and your cozy tiger bed. And then we're gonna find our best friend Doug, and then we're gonna give him a best friend hug. Doug, Doug, oh, Doug, Dougie, Dougie, Doug, Doug! But if he's been murdered by crystal meth tweakers...well then we're shit out of luck."
Love to you all,