Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Ocean of Tears
I remember it like it was yesterday.
You stood in front of me in your beige trench coat and fedora on your head. You carried a worn briefcase in your hand, stubble on your chin, and lines creased underneath your droopy eyelids. You were so beautiful and familiar to me and I knew I adored you.
We are not in a happy place. I know this by the way I carry myself with my arms folded across my chest, wearing this old navy blue velvet dress, retrieved from the recesses of my childhood closet.
Still, I will not allow us to end. I beg, I plead with you as we both stand together, our feet sinking in the sand by the ocean waves. I cannot hear what I've said, the wind rips my words out of my throat and carries them somewhere else.
Those droopy eyes are mourning everything I say and unrelenting to the fat tears rolling down my pale cheeks. Your weathered hand touches my cheek, grazing it softly, only once.
You turn to the ocean, its waves parting in that gray sky. You turn away from me and walk into the ocean, calmly. Steadily. It swallows your legs first.
I scream from my place in the sand and drop to my knees sobbing, "Come back! Come back!" I can hear my voice, at last, a desperate guttural gasp from within. Every independent bone in my body is ashamed of that voice.
You don't, the sea swallows the man of my dreams.
And I wake up, dry in my bed, with the sound of jackhammers outside of my open bedroom window, and my cheeks stained with tears.
My school day was lost that day and your face haunted me all that day.
But I never met you before. I wonder if I ever will again.
Please come back to my dream machine. Please.
Love to you all,