Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Ocean of Tears

I remember it like it was yesterday.

You stood in front of me in your beige trench coat and fedora on your head. You carried a worn briefcase in your hand, stubble on your chin, and lines creased underneath your droopy eyelids. You were so beautiful and familiar to me and I knew I adored you.

We are not in a happy place. I know this by the way I carry myself with my arms folded across my chest, wearing this old navy blue velvet dress, retrieved from the recesses of my childhood closet.

Still, I will not allow us to end. I beg, I plead with you as we both stand together, our feet sinking in the sand by the ocean waves. I cannot hear what I've said, the wind rips my words out of my throat and carries them somewhere else.

Those droopy eyes are mourning everything I say and unrelenting to the fat tears rolling down my pale cheeks. Your weathered hand touches my cheek, grazing it softly, only once.

You turn to the ocean, its waves parting in that gray sky. You turn away from me and walk into the ocean, calmly. Steadily. It swallows your legs first.

I scream from my place in the sand and drop to my knees sobbing, "Come back! Come back!" I can hear my voice, at last, a desperate guttural gasp from within. Every independent bone in my body is ashamed of that voice.

You don't, the sea swallows the man of my dreams.

And I wake up, dry in my bed, with the sound of jackhammers outside of my open bedroom window, and my cheeks stained with tears.

My school day was lost that day and your face haunted me all that day.

But I never met you before. I wonder if I ever will again.

Please come back to my dream machine. Please.

Love to you all,


Hope Chella said...

Great writing :)

Indigo said...

It's amazing how dreams like this etch themselves into our very being. I think he's on his way to you. For some reason or another he's struggling, but he's dreaming of you and searching for you. He's coming...it's just taking him time to get to where he needs to be - to you. (Hugs)Indigo

nikolina100 said...

awwwww, so sad...

Phoenix said...

Sad :( My dreams are haunting me too...I wonder if it's hunting season for dreams right now? I hope not...I have no armor and no camouflage.

FASHIONconfectionairy said...

Beautiful and mesmerizing dream, I love having detailed ones like yours. They are very memorable and form an idea in your head of whatever you want to happen or see.

kim said...

i love dreams, and am interested in the meaning of them.
i've just been having nightmares lately. did this one feel like one to you?


Chris said...

I love your writing! Your dream was haunting, stirring, and moving. I've had a recurring dream since childhood-- a mystery girl and I meet at a museum, fall in charm with each other, and enjoy a little picnic on the front lawn. The dream is always interrupted in the middle of the picnic, and though I can't remember the details of her face, it's as if I've known her face all my life. It's one of those dream situations where the more you think about it, the less you remember... but if you don't think about it too hard, you just kind of remember everything entirely, you just know you know it in one unit, one chunk. I hope that makes sense!

About the monarch butterfly dress-- from what I can gather, Luly Lang is responsible for it.

link one

link two

I hope that helps!


Valentine said...

its such a bittersweet thing whenever a dream like this occurs. we find ourselves longing for someone whose existence is tainted with uncertainty. but that only makes it even more lovely, dont you think? :)

natalie said...

Your writing is absolutely lovely. Dreams like that, that are so mesmerizing and detailed and feel so real, those are the strangest kind, and also the best. My most recent one was no where near as deep as yours... it was just about painting my nails orange and the church claiming Obama was the devil and throwing dead birds onto sheep. It was weird :P

Anonymous said...

Very strong writing as always.

drollgirl said...

this is beautiful and haunting. and so sad.

Style, She Wrote said...

Beautiful post. The image complimented your words perfectly.

SaraJ said...

he sounds lika an aragorn.

and thank u very muck love.

Jaime @ La vie...J'aime said...

You are such a beautiful writer! Perfect image pairing too.

Liya said...

incredible, haunting writing


Bijou's Style said...

it is sad but amazing emotions are expressed in this!



Heather Taylor said...

Chris- Thank you for discovering the designer of the butterfly dress! :)

Romantic Heroine. said...

I like your writing. your bog is fantastic. I give you an award:

JenniAsh said...

This is so beautiful, yet so tragic...