Sunday, July 5, 2009

Modern Times

Another video from Super Cool News about Twitter, the social networking website where you can write a little blurb about yourself doing something undoubtedly mediocre ("Just rented season 1 of True Blood! Ooh, can't wait to watch!) and the message gets sent to all of your friends registered on Twitter.
This video pissed me off a little because at the ending, our leading individual guy Darren is going to wind up with a Twitter. No! Fight the system man!
It seems to me that on Twitter, you can do the following things:
1) Write about yourself.
Like having a diary that everyone can read. And apparently people (whether they're your actual real life friends or celebrities you've never met) care about the monotony in your life enough to respond ("Dammmmnnn gurl we is all bout dat lol textttt me babbbyy <<3)
People who type like this also alarm me. In the future, I'm sure all English courses will feature a required course on Internet Jargons, Memes and Lingo. Because this is exactly how we want to leave on stamp on the world, by sounding like idiots.
2) Write on other people's status updates including celebrities.
I don't give a shit if you're eating a banana right now. An update of that caliber does not deserve even a passing glance, much less up to 15 responses posted.
Do you really believe that somewhere out there, Robert Pattinson is going to seriously look at his Twitter page and respond in a heartfelt, honest manner to the little "I Luv U!" some 17 year old girl (or 21 year old guy) wrote on his page? No, honey he's not. He's a little too busy going out there and working to write back to some self-centered Facebook junkie who is primping herself out for a quickie Myspace profile pic shot at an angle with the whole emo bangs and fish lips.
3) Make more friends.
If you notice carefully on the actual celebrity pages, they themselves are only following a select few people and have a nightmarish 134,598 following them. Peons of the world, take note. If you want to look cool online (as is the aspiration of every child in the world), you should start by only following a few people, not the other way around.
Plus, the select few you pick might actually be friends of yours in real life and therefore, much more engaging and witty than say, bimbo celebs prattling on about landing in LAX and having Jamba Juice with their close buddies Max and Lindsay. Notice that your name wasn't included in that list? Hee-hee.

In my opinion, Twitter is stupid. Maybe you like it and have one yourself. I don't knock your decision in having one. I would just never have one because I really don't like to get all narcissistic and drone on that I'm so effing amazing. It's really very similar to Facebook status updates which seeing as I quit Fbook in May, you can tell I really don't care for either.

If I Twittered, here are a few choice updates I would make:

Up to my elbows in the blood of the innocent. Damn, who knew slicing up a human body and disposing of the remains would take two days? There goes my weekend.

Some girl just accidentally spilled her Pepsi all over me at the caf. I guess the best response was probably not to clock her in the head until she passed out. Hello, 911?

Out on T.O. Boulevard, getting ready to turn a few tricks on the corner. College girl's gotta pay for school. Hard knock life baby, know any good johns?

Monday morning, sitting in class, fantasizing about giving my teacher a lap dance. Wonder if he'd prefer music by Billy Idol or some Pharrell Williams. Ideas?

Yes! Yes is on the radio!

And so forth.

I really wish people wouldn't fall in line with the masses. Imagine what the world might be like. I think I would like it better.

Love to you all,

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